The moment I first saw you, I knew I will be counting from one to ten. Just inches away from each other, I already knew I felt something. Something so surreal like this. As you sauntered that hallway, I suddenly felt alive. Awake, even. Tall and faired skinned, I was dumbfounded by your glory, and it suddenly hit me. I’ve never felt my heart on the verge of exploding like this before.
Days turn into weeks, Hellos were exchanged, yet I still could feel my heart clawing its way out of my chest. Numbers are my worst dilemma, but the moment you opened my notebook filled with a plethora of numbers, I knew things change. You are my favorite, yet worst distraction. Changes happened in a fleeting pace. I could still reminisce the day we ate lunch together, and I let myself get immersed in those passing moments that felt like it could last forever. My breath hitches and I could feel panic creeping in my head whenever you’re around, but I force myself to get my act together.
Twelve is my favorite especially when I hear your velvety voice bounce in my head as you recite your spoken words. This feels like a delusional fairytale to me, except that it’s currently happening in my life.
And suddenly, reality sunk in. I am not born into an alternate universe. You were just a man, a dream that I could never have. I guess confessing would be the only way to face your fear, but all it did was to inflict my only fear: losing you.
One hundred five days ago, that was my fear when I first meet you, but seventeenth days ago, I stand back up again.absorbed reality and let the past go, together with my feelings towards you. One step at a time, slowy and steady, just to make sure I wouldn’t be wrong this time. The past three months felt like a rollercoaster ride. I was a wimp person when I first met you, and after we rode together, I knew the fear I used to have from the start dissipated. I become wiser and stronger. It wasn’t my choice to fall for you. It just happened, and I guess I’m at fault.
This experience felt like the waves that crash to the sand, it just crashes and goes, crashes and go. Repetitive, and mundane, but soothing and serene.