Twelve Twenty-TwentyOne

I’ve always enjoyed writing down my thoughts and whenever I certainly felt something so strong that I just couldn’t bear I choose to write it down, and specially when its you, Hey where do i begin it was a strange summer of 2021 where people are still currently adjusting in the Covid, Out of nowhere I stumble across your facebook page and from then on, I couldn’t help it but let myself get into those feelings again, everything is new and fresh, something that I know I will be so damn happy, One thing I notice about myself is that whenever I liked something I would always put a extra effort for it, but sooner I found myself just gazing around and realized that I don’t like it anymore, Well for you I would be defensive but over the time I guess I am proving myself right again this time, well at first it is so happy, calming, relaxing and just chill but over the time and the acts that you do, its just giving me more reason that you don’t find me interesting, and I need to program myself that its the reality, I was not born in a alternate universe, well in fact I am used to this kind of scenario where I found someone so interesting but the other way around happens, Life is too short to just kept thinking that If I was her or If I am just like that it would be much easier, But in those moments remember this you are exactly what God created you, I know its easier said than done but thats the reality we lived in. I have so many things to say to you but I just want to sumarise it and here you

Hey you, your not typical boy next door,you already caught me off guard the first time i saw your facebook account pop up, and i knew from that moment it would hit differently this time and surely it does. this time its more complex in a way that I’ve got the whole company family cheering for me, it makes me kilig because they made me like we are all in this together,  every notice/uploads that you make everyone is apart of it, to make it short, it is broadcast, I even printed photos of yours and polaroids which is very cute btw, I even stick your photos on the back of my laptop and insert the polaroids on the back of my phone, let’s just say that I’m literally obsessed with you and you are my favorite viewer, I will not forget the lunch date we had, those sips of coffee,tiktoking, playing mobile games and just a memorable day at the perfect cold breze weather location,ahhhh soooo nostalgic, when things got tough I would always go back to you and would always choose to choose you but thats not the reality, my most excited self, and one foot forward ended up hurting myself, those hello’s turns to inbox turns to seen messages, and to be straight forward your not interested at all, I could distinguish your actions I know your just to shy to reject me,But don’t worry I already anticipated this situation I am used to this. but to end this ,every now and then when i think of you, I smile and you sprinkle those happiness that you gave me still, but not that happiness that is hopeful but happiness of moving forward towards the reality. The day i meet you is the day i set my heart free.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE BOY WHO DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I FELT GOODBYE, THANK YOU

FRAGILE BEAUTY: AN OPEN LETTER

I found myself gazing at a blank piece of paper with no words left to say. I find that writing what I am feeling heals my lethargic soul, but after everything, what happened? There are thoughts racing back and forth in my head. So many events that lead to this. Where should I start?

Well, let’s start back to the day I first met you. It was a sunny morning. Everyone is buzzing with excitement. This is the time I find myself getting hyped up with optimism and then there you are. Sticking out of a crowd like an odd piece of pea in a pod. I’ll admit, there is nothing I can see that is really special about you. To be frank, you weren’t my type, yet, you caught me off guard.

I detested Fate. I forced myself to make us work together. I was glad when you started reciprocating my efforts. Messages were sent back and forth, I can rarely grasp what was happening. Soon, my friends were starting to notice how you kept me up and busy, and they started teasing me.

Time passed by in a whim and my feelings are starting to become uncontainable. Who would have thought that talking to you, my fragile feelings seem to hang on a thread? It is unexplainable. All I know is that, my heart seem to struggle beating as I see you walking on my way. I’ve never felt more alive whenever I talk to you. I’ve tried hiding my infatuation. However, a lot of my friends seem to deem you as a hindrance in my life. “He is no good for you,” they would whisper.

The memories are starting to hunt me. One by one, they would flash before my very eyes. Moments after moments. Words after words.

And then the drop came crashing down on me as I’ve discovered something: you are committed to someone else. I was really devastated. It was all in my head. I thought I had a chance. I knew, however, that I should accept that these feelings I had for you for me to move on. They are all in my head anyways.

These experiences lead me to this mantra: don’t let emotions rule you. Emotions are fragile. It can really devastate you. Perhaps, listen to the sound of your mind. The only logical side of your mind. Through this, you can stay guarded and never let yourself get hurt again. And lastly, wait. Patiently wait. God is preparing you for the man you are destined to be with.

(Written by Princess Abubakar. Edited by Robin Estrellado)

At my dream

I still recall the day that you walked into my life, everything is alright after that night.

I thought i was at hype

but darling, you were just my type.

Every night i wished upon a star,

that my dream will come to life.

Every time that we exchanged our hello’s

i feel like i was at my dream last night.

Any moments that i spend with you feels like eternity,

as the sun was chasing me at night.

I thought every night was a goodnight

but suddenly it turn into a sleepless nights.

Summer is upon us, more daylight than the night sky.

should i be still chasing you at the midst of day and night?

An Open Open Letter To The Boy I Cant Have

“NUMBERS”

 

 

The moment I first saw you, I knew I will be counting from one to ten. Just inches away from each other, I already knew I felt something. Something so surreal like this. As you sauntered that hallway, I suddenly felt alive. Awake, even. Tall and faired skinned, I was dumbfounded by your glory, and it suddenly hit me. I’ve never felt my heart on the verge of exploding like this before.

 

 

Days turn into weeks, Hellos were exchanged, yet I still could feel my heart clawing its way out of my chest. Numbers are my worst dilemma, but the moment you opened my notebook filled with a plethora of numbers, I knew things change. You are my favorite, yet worst distraction. Changes happened in a fleeting pace. I could still reminisce the day we ate lunch together, and I let myself get immersed in those passing moments that felt like it could last forever. My breath hitches and I could feel panic creeping in my head whenever you’re around, but I force myself to get my act together.

 

 

Twelve is my favorite especially when I hear your velvety voice bounce in my head as you recite your spoken words. This feels like a delusional fairytale to me, except that it’s currently happening in my life.

 

 

And suddenly, reality sunk in. I am not born into an alternate universe. You were just a man, a dream that I could never have. I guess confessing would be the only way to face your fear, but all it did was to inflict my only fear: losing you.

 

 

One hundred five days ago, that was my fear when I first meet you, but seventeenth days ago, I stand back up again.absorbed reality and let the past go, together with my feelings towards you. One step at a time, slowy and steady, just to make sure I wouldn’t be wrong this time. The past three months felt like a rollercoaster ride. I was a wimp person when I first met you, and after we rode together, I knew the fear I used to have from the start dissipated. I become wiser and stronger. It wasn’t my choice to fall for you. It just happened, and I guess I’m at fault.

 

 

This experience felt like the waves that crash to the sand, it just crashes and goes, crashes and go. Repetitive, and mundane, but soothing and serene.